Friends, aint it funny how you remember things that you used to do, and now wish you hadn’t done them? Well I do!
I used to make sport of old people who had to wear them little socks with the little grips on the bottom — sort of like a mudgrip tire tread!
And these old people always had to be shuffling their feet like they was dusting the floor while they was walking along, just to keep from falling because the floor was slick!
Well, I can add making fun of all that to a long list of things I won’t ever do again! Here is why:
We have laminate floors in part of the house — you know, we got them when everybody said to get rid of the carpet cause it was bad for your health!
Well, I’m here to tell you that these darn laminate floors aint no better for you!
I looked up the words “Laminate Floor” and it turns out that it’s a French phrase that means TOO POOR FOR REAL WOOD!
Anyway, I was just getting up the other morning, and I put on some [regular] socks, and started to walk into the kitchen…but then I decided to turn and go to the porch instead.
That’s when all heck broke loose! My big ole feet decided to go in two opposite directions!
That dang floor was slick as glass!
Now folks, ya’ll that know me know that I’m tall — six feet and seven inches — and most of that is legs! AND on top of that, I got size 14 feet, which means I would have been even taller if the good Lord hadn’t turned down so much for a foot!
And i’ve never been graceful, so my mind already knew that my body couldn’t do the splits like my feet and legs were thinking they were going to do!
Somewhere in the middle of this, I managed to catch hold of the countertop corner, and I tried to correct my legs. Well, I overshot the landing and cut an almost perfect flip! And I say “almost” because one of my ankles got caught on my front teeth!
I guess this laminate floor did help some, because I only slid part of the way under the couch!
It took me a while to get my breath, but man, it sure did feel good to get it back!
I was sort of hazy when I first came to, with Pam standing over me asking, “What the heck are you doing down there? And why is your ankle bleeding? Now get up from there and clean up that blood! You aint supposed to get moisture on my new laminate floor!”
And life goes on, on Thompson Hill.
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