Home Local Humor The Chew Heads Explode As Tupelo Motorist Uses Right Lane To Cruise

Heads Explode As Tupelo Motorist Uses Right Lane To Cruise

Heads Explode As Tupelo Motorist  Uses Right Lane To Cruise

Tupelo — Pandemonium ensued this Friday when a slow driver made the unprecedented decision to switch to the right lane, marking the first time a Tupelo driver had ever used the right lane to cruise.

“I was crossing Green Street when I looked up from my phone and saw a line of traffic backed up behind me all the way to Pizza Vs Tacos,” remembers Scotty Whitlock. “I didn’t need to be anywhere, so I just got over and let them pass.”

No one expected this maneuver. Upon witnessing Whitlock’s actions, other drivers were stunned.

“Everyone who passed me just stared at me with a look of shock and wonder. I saw someone get rear-ended.”

A few travelers even pulled into St. James Catholic Church to pray.

“It was madness,” says traumatized motorist Cindy Byrd. “We are not used to that kind of behavior around here. We only ever use the right lane to pass, and when things happen that you don’t understand, it’s best to lean on a higher power.”

Even bystanders were surprised by what they saw.

“I was in Planet Fitness doing sit-ups as quietly as possible so that the others in the gym wouldn’t think I was judging them and start crying,” says Brittney Ingram of Saltillo. “I looked out the window and saw some slow poke merge into the right lane and I gasped so hard I set off the Lunk Alarm.”

When asked how this will affect his driving in the future, Whitlock has at least one idea.

“Well, I didn’t use my blinker when I moved over. In hindsight I’m glad I didn’t because no one in Tupelo has ever seen one before; so that on top of my changing lanes might have been too much for them. It could have cost lives. Hopefully the example I set will catch on, and then eventually I can expose the town to turn signals.”

Zach Bragg
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Zach Bragg is a Tupelo-based comedian and satirist whose inability to requite his lofty goals with adequate follow-through makes him wonder why he ever agreed to do this in the first place. His experience in journalism includes writing current event summaries for social studies class in middle and high school, as well as reading some Hunter S. Thompson. Originally from Hattiesburg, he moved to Tupelo in 2005 and has called it home ever since, like your classic poser. He achieved modest regional success as the creator of the Tupelo Tourism video series, but has managed not to get a big head about it. Bragg can also be seen every other month as the host of Bees, Dude! (A Comedy Show) at Queen’s Reward Meadery in Tupelo. Zach lives just outside of Tupelo with his wife, kids, and the ceaseless anxiety about things he did and said in middle school.


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