Home Local Humor The Chew Tupelo Woman Manages to Say “Shop Local” And “This Town Needs A Target” In Same Breath

Tupelo Woman Manages to Say “Shop Local” And “This Town Needs A Target” In Same Breath

0
Tupelo Woman Manages to Say “Shop Local” And “This Town Needs A Target” In Same Breath

TUPELO — In a stunning display of hypocrisy writ large, a local woman had many people scratching their heads this week when only seconds after propagating the importance of shopping local, she proceeded to complain that Tupelo still doesn’t have a Target.

49-year-old Patricia McVey claims everyone blew her words out of proportion.

“I don’t understand why people are so confused. If we bring a Target here to Tupelo then it will be local, so we’ll be shopping local. It makes perfect sense.”

Despite her gross misunderstanding of what shopping local means, there are some who agree with her.

“She ain’t wrong,” says Karen Burroughs. “I’m in a book club with Trish, and she’s always got good ideas. She was the one who suggested we read the Twilight Saga. Team Jacob, by the way. And now we’re reading Fifty Shades, also at her recommendation. I trust her book choices, and I trust her understanding of basic economics.”

McVey was asked what she could get at Target that she couldn’t get at one of Tupelo’s two Walmarts. 

“I got this shirt at the Southaven Target. It says ‘Someone Please Call Nine Wine Wine.’ It’s like it was made just for me. They sell it at Walmart too, but buying it from Target makes me look like a fun wine mom; buying it from Walmart would really affirm my alcoholism.”

McVey’s attitude is a sobering reminder of many Tupelo residents’ lukewarm habit of exhorting the patronization of local businesses while simultaneously calling for the ingress of a behemoth retail corporation that will further divest money from local retailers. 

“I’ll always support local businesses,” McVey confesses, “but I’ll also always look at an empty field and think that would be a good place for a Target.

Zach Bragg
Previous article The Rundown: Friday 2/21/20
Next article Candy-coated Fundraising
Zach Bragg is a Tupelo-based comedian and satirist whose inability to requite his lofty goals with adequate follow-through makes him wonder why he ever agreed to do this in the first place. His experience in journalism includes writing current event summaries for social studies class in middle and high school, as well as reading some Hunter S. Thompson. Originally from Hattiesburg, he moved to Tupelo in 2005 and has called it home ever since, like your classic poser. He achieved modest regional success as the creator of the Tupelo Tourism video series, but has managed not to get a big head about it. Bragg can also be seen every other month as the host of Bees, Dude! (A Comedy Show) at Queen’s Reward Meadery in Tupelo. Zach lives just outside of Tupelo with his wife, kids, and the ceaseless anxiety about things he did and said in middle school.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here